Thursday, May 10, 2007


Today's "journal"

Usually at this hour 1:21 am (and 1:23 am is a special esoteric "hour" for me") I am hacking away at my emails. I will be honest with you .. I have something like 6,400+ unopened emails, in yahoo alone. I have another 1,000 or so sitting in gmail. I also have read and/or filed another 7,000 or so in yahoo -- in gmail I have NO idea how many are stashed away.

I can tell you that it's a total close to 1 gig of WORDZ, wordz that it will become increasingly difficult to process into some sort (pun intended) of order as *things* progress.

I am not so *into* WORDZ that I hang onto all this like some anal retentive .. there is some real gems of wisdom in there, and then there are those pages that are meant to become part of some larger whole I am always CONtemplating. You know, that inevitable Earthlings Anonymous Big Book. Or like taking this blog and making an ebook out of it, and asking for donations of people who download it which seems the most "heroic" way of dealing with this unwieldy, unmanagable collection of WORDZ.

These wordz I save up are POINTERS, inukshuks of the direction I am heading .. they also point out DANGERZ to be avoided, as any good inukshuk should do.

I have a real interest in getting down in WORDZ what I think about giving away Canada's water; and making plans to do so IN SECRET.

I would like to write about my beading "process" - how I decide upon my designs when I make up all these fussy little for other people. The compromises I make when I follow through and produce something. I'd like to write a script for DVDs about beading - a DVD which would show my teacher at work, so that the next seven generations can benefit from her expertise. I want to produce the DVDs myself, and have bought a special printer to print the DVD "labels" on.. .just to make sure this POSSIBILITY becomes a PROBABILITY.

I want to write WORDZ about all this dual brained activity I am constantly engaging in - and how I try to pass along to YOU, the reader, the EXPERIENCE of having your brain being interactively engaged when you read this. I want to show that by sharing my WORDZ and images, you come out all the wiser ... There was always a POINT to those pics I posted. A reason I searched HIGH and LOW to find exactly what I wanted on this space. I became very unglued when I couldn't do that for awhile. I finally figured out how to fix that, when suddenly, I got tempted to play with the format of these WORDZ and ICONIC "symbols" and get a new template and found my way into another disaster!! But it got me off my cyberbutt, and I am now looking into REAL web development .. learning about coding, and open source, and community BUILDING.

"They" say The Almighty called The ONEiverse into being with WORDZ. IN the beginning was the word, we are told. I prefer to think our creative parent SANG it into being (perhaps eeched it) with perfect harmony ... but the way my wordz come out is not always "lyrical", it's more of a Mad Opera. An opera with me as the Spiritual Warrioress star trying to rallly the trooops to SAVE THIS PLANET, which seems to be falling apart exponentially. Maybe it was always so; may be I was in too much denial, I really do not KNOW. What I do KNOW, is that the fact I have worked so hard in these six/sex decades to master the wordz inside me, that, I cannot fail to be able to sing my swan song aria when the "time" comes. I am dieing a little bitch each day.

So I want that old voice of mine to carry on. That's why I chose radio as a career, way back when I LOVED the idea of my voice carrying on in radio waves INFINITELY, FOREVER. What I did not REAL-ize is that EVERY Thing I SAY and every thing I think goes on forever, radio waved or no. What I do and what I say makes a difference in the Oneiverse ...

As I write this (wondering how many typos there really are, how many words miffed, how little sense the flow of this may make), I am printing out the entire list of Magic Cards available to those who "play" that game, the one under license. 105 pages with about 100 per page. Magic is my pathway. I play with it constantly. This deck however belongs to my son. I think he would rather "play" at someone else's "game", than create his own and we just talked about that on the phone. Wake up! I say. You may die with lots of good ideas flowing in you that you are NOT allowing to come out. Quit playing other people's games, with other people's rules and dis-cover for yourself all you can put out there. Live it! Celebrate it! Be grateful for it! And thank yourself for being willing to go through the process of finding out it's worth it, becuz YOU are worth it. I would tell anyone this -- and I am not Rilke ...

Magique! C'est la Vie! absolutely effing unbelievable Magique creates life. But you must know the right WORDZ to create it, eh? Even though they trip me up and forget about ONEness and how everyone is simply another myself and lead to dichotomization of EVERYTHING, those wordZ a mine, they let me SOAR! I become the EAGLE. I Roar! I become the Tigress! I sob and I become your little grrrrrl.

They are my feast at the spiritual banquet and the wine that stains my lipz.

I have survived this long, I owe them alot. Even if I am misunderstood, I move on until I find someone who finds the important behind the syllables.

Tomorrow is drupal camp. It's not about wordz so much as something about ORGANIZING, which it surely takes WORDZ to do. People in the IT world forget that computers are totally reliant on wordz and codes and icons and are basically operating to printout ever more WORDZ. They forget the MAGIQUE of what is really behind the technology. Whiz! Bang! Alakazam! with one brief phrase bring me the Planetary Creatrix to harness at my command!

Do I practice Magic? You bet. I practice and practice and practice .. that's the only way I'll ever get good at it. So the wizardress goes to bed, perchance to dream. I wonder what my alters will have to say tonight. I blanket mySELF in their wordz for ONcE,....

And to all a GOOD night!!

CoZmic Mommy

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